Winterpeg ( I have final and approved permission to call it that now )

My brother and sister in law recently moved back to Winnipeg ( that's in the province of Manitoba, in the country of Canada for you geographically challenged ) after living on the Wet West Balmy Coast of B.C.

I think they were incredibly stupid brave to make that move! Wow!

He has provided me with irrefutable proof that Winnipeg, truly is a Winterpeg. The bone chilling freezing fucking cold of -50 windchill is to descend upon them this evening.


I too was stupid brave enough to live in Winterpeg. A couple of times. My first move there was in mid November. I stepped off the train clad in jeans, runners, t-shirt and sweater, carrying a light jacket. Ummmm, yah, right. My body tightened up and refused to move. After being scraped/ripped off that spot, I attempted to move my legs. Ha! Rubber souls and thick packed sidewalk ice are enemies. On my ass I went. I can still see the laughing faces of farmers and Hutterites. ( Hutterites are a Canadian version of the Amish....sorta', but not. But sorta'. )

I got all nestled in my new apartment, 3rd floor, with a view as far as the eyes can see. ( and that's a long way across the flat prairies ). My third morning there I was excited, because I heard it would snow overnight!! I woke up...opened the curtains to my balcony....and saw white. That's it, just white. *blink blink*

Lit a smoke, peed, put a kettle on for tea, looked again and it was still white. *blink blink*

Phone rings, it's my step-father asking me to make a list of groceries 'cause he's heading to the store. What is he talking about? Had he made a tunnel? No, he says, I'm taking a sleigh. A fucking sleigh?? He directs me to turn on the news channel.

It had snowed soooo much overnight that the roads were useless. The freaking army were driving around town in tanks picking up doctors and nurses to take them to work. Not one vehicle was on the road. Tanks, skidoos, and LARGE sleighs were the transport of necessity.

Phoned my step-father back and placed my order. Good thing because that store was shut down, employees couldn't make it there the next day.

A week or so later life returned to normal. The tanks and army personnel were back to their lives, transit began, cars on roads, no sleighs. Whooo. Hooooo, I'm thinking.

I hop on a bus to downtown do a bit of checking out my bearings. After an hour of walking around in the cold I spot a sign on a window "Fried 'Shrooms and Peas". Ohhh yum, I love fried 'Shrooms and Peas! I walk inside and immediately my glasses fog up. I take them off so I can at least manage to navigate to a table. I sit down, grab a napkin to wipe the now dripping wet glasses....and the fucking frames snap in half. I kid you not.

WTF??? Bizzaro world.

I suppose my frames were made in some country where it was swelteringly hot, and once they had a serious taste of frostbite, they bit it.

Hey, little bro, I am waiting for the photo of you B-B-Q ing outdoors!