Jack Donnelly

( this was originally posted February 15th )

When Jack was 3, he began this nightly ritual that devastated me when it ended.

When he'd see me crawl into bed he would leap up, throw himself onto his back, and offer me up his inside back legs to scratch. He would stay there till my fingers were just about to sever themselves from my hand. I guess he realized I'd need them for the next nights scratches. Ha! Smart boy that one.

About a year and a half ago his back legs started failing him. At first he did the big leap onto the bed in slow motion. Then he leapt up with his front paws and kinda' bunny-hopped up with his back legs. Then ( and this was a VERY embarrassing thing for him the first few times ) he could only grip the top of the bed with his front paws and I would help the rear end. And then the inevitable happened this last summer; he couldn't even grip with his front paws.

I had someone build him a box to step up on to the bed, but his hips and shoulders
were not following his orders. The holistic tries nor the pharmaceutical drugs really helped with either. Not enough for him to become a bed leaper again anyway.

So, I'm laying in bed this past Thursday night plotting the fun he is going to have before we go to the Vet in the morning. The stroll on his favorite walk, then the game
where he stays while I hide his ball and then he finds it...THAT game is his all time favorite. It's the one to bring out the mile wide grins from both of us! Then a snack and some lovin'.

But the entire time I layed there I was sad. Not just oh me oh my sad, but every square inch of my body was the saddest it's ever been. On the edge of wailing like a banshee sad. On the edge of smashing everything I adored sad. I guess I was close to losing it.

And in the midst of all that inner turmoil Jack gets up from his bed in the closet, leaps onto the bed, throws himself on his back and offers me his inner back legs. I layed there in shock! WTF! He lifts his head and looks at me as if to say " come on Mom, scratch my legs! " My fingers started scratching and Jack starts smilin'. So I start smilin'. To Jack I said, "thanks baby, thanks for this gift, I missed this". * scratch scratch scratch *

Lots of people would say that *God* stepped in and knew that both of us needed that one thing that night. Maybe, maybe not. Who's to say for sure. But while I was scratching Jack I remembered a story that my friend Jo had told me a few days before; Her nieces very young ( 5 or 6 I believe ) son was very very ill and he was dying. One day he was speaking with his Mom and he said "God likes potato chips".

World renowned people in science will dispute the existence of *God* at every turn. But when a small innocent dying boy tells his mother that "God likes potato chips", well I'm on his side. Did God come and converse with this little boy, sharing a bag of potato chips? What about all the other children's stories ( and there are hundreds of them documented ) about speaking with God. If there is no God then these children must have been lying or dreaming? I don't buy that they were lying or dreaming. They had some sort of experience that was loving and kind. An all positive one.

All I know about it is that there isn't a snowballs chance in hell of Jack ever jumping, no LEAPING, up on the bed without some sort of assistance.

Jack woke very slowly yesterday morning, and took a while to fully wake. He'd been like that for the past 30 days. Once up, he had a super duper breakfast of BBQ chicken breast, 2 tins of sardines, and a big brick of aged white cheddar. And then a big ass bowl of milk to chuck it down. After breakfast with a cloth and a bowl of warm soapy vanilla water I began a ritual that Jack and I have had since the second week in January......I wiped him down from head to toe of the pee he might have inadvertently layed in overnight. And to digress a little bit..... Jack truly loved me doing that for him. He would lay down when he saw the bucket come out, and when I was done the first side he would roll over for the other side. Then he would stand up all shiny and smelling of vanilla, and head outside for another pee break. Every morning for the last 30 days was the same.

That morning he ate his favorite foods, we took a walk on one of his favorites spots, and we played the hide and seek ball game. He sniffed alot of coyote poop, told a rabbit that jumped out in front of him that it was that rabbits lucky day, and posed for the pictures I was taking of him. And here's the weird part....Jack despises my taking photos of him. I have 3 katrillion of him running towards the camera to ruin the shot,or turning away just before the shutter clicked. he's always always always hated it. But yesterday morning he f***ing posed for me! Another gift!

I had talked to him a couple of times about heaven and that he would be going there soon. But this morning,after our outing, and on our way to his Vets he seemed to *listen*. He got up from the back of the van and sat between the seats and listened. He smiled during my talk. He kept picking up and putting down his soccer ball, I said "yes, you will take your ball". Smile smile smile.

He left this world with his blankie, his ball, an eagle feather we had found on that mornings walk, and my love. He left knowing and feeling the love. He left feeling my arms embrace his body.....He left hearing "I love you Jack" whispered in his ear a billion times.

My heart is broken in pieces.

The very last photo I took of my best friend Jack:

JACK DONNELLY

June 27th, 1997 ~ February 15th, 2008

Here is a song that best describes my feelings and thoughts at this moment. And always will. Bonnie Raitt singing "Wherever You May Be".