Narcissism: Vanity, egotism, self-love. A broader explanation can be found here.
I don’t pretend to know the ins and outs of it, I only know that it damages relationships. I also know that because most Narcissists don’t recognize the *problem*, they just go through life making and then losing friends/companions.
Because of our technology it’s easier to see. I see it in bloggers – “if you won’t comment on my blog then I won’t read or comment on yours”. A blogger who I adored for a couple of years actually stated that! She lost a few faithful readers, including myself. I really doubt that she noticed though, and if she did, she would never make the connection. How sad is that. And, really man??…affiliate sponsors??? You might fool some with the”affiliate” title, but really, you just have ads up. Ohhh, fuck, come on already!. Fancy wording…gag.
I see it on Facebook. A friend is so wrapped up in themself, they don’t see the danger they have surrounded themselves with. The below status updates, while not theirs, are a perfect example of what everyone must deal with. ( read from the bottom up ) I love this person dearly, but holy crap it’s exhausting.
Another example is an ex employer, a person who runs an animal rescue. “Woe is me, me, me, me” is what everyone hears. Ad nauseam. Most people see the problem, but overlook it because of the great work she does. I think she’s convinced herself and a select very few others it is altruism. There’s a LOT of these types involved with animal rescue. Sad but true.
Years ago, I thought these types of people were just *drama queens* and did no real harm. But since they do not change, and only get more self involved, I see it’s not just that. I wonder if it wears them out as much as we who watch the demise.
And hey, if these types people are not Narcissistic, they still have some sort of personality disorder.
And oh! I wrote a small blurb...top right...just to clarify.
I don’t pretend to know the ins and outs of it, I only know that it damages relationships. I also know that because most Narcissists don’t recognize the *problem*, they just go through life making and then losing friends/companions.
Because of our technology it’s easier to see. I see it in bloggers – “if you won’t comment on my blog then I won’t read or comment on yours”. A blogger who I adored for a couple of years actually stated that! She lost a few faithful readers, including myself. I really doubt that she noticed though, and if she did, she would never make the connection. How sad is that. And, really man??…affiliate sponsors??? You might fool some with the”affiliate” title, but really, you just have ads up. Ohhh, fuck, come on already!. Fancy wording…gag.
I see it on Facebook. A friend is so wrapped up in themself, they don’t see the danger they have surrounded themselves with. The below status updates, while not theirs, are a perfect example of what everyone must deal with. ( read from the bottom up ) I love this person dearly, but holy crap it’s exhausting.
Another example is an ex employer, a person who runs an animal rescue. “Woe is me, me, me, me” is what everyone hears. Ad nauseam. Most people see the problem, but overlook it because of the great work she does. I think she’s convinced herself and a select very few others it is altruism. There’s a LOT of these types involved with animal rescue. Sad but true.
Years ago, I thought these types of people were just *drama queens* and did no real harm. But since they do not change, and only get more self involved, I see it’s not just that. I wonder if it wears them out as much as we who watch the demise.
And hey, if these types people are not Narcissistic, they still have some sort of personality disorder.
Get over yourself.
And oh! I wrote a small blurb...top right...just to clarify.
7 Comments:
I would have been insufferable if the internet was around when I was younger,ha! Thank christ I grew out of that shit. My mother has a few mental disorders...fun times. That was all the drama I ever needed, thankyouverymuch. You're so right about them never changing. Never ever ever.
Never change. Never ever ever. It used to be painful to watch, but now I just don't have the inclination to give a fuck.
Hi Colleen,
Just read your comment about the Rescue, and it kind of resonated. The whining, complaining, whining, and more complaining is the reason I stopped reading that blog. Very depressing. I read other blogs about rescue, and I don't hear all those volunteers talking like that. They are funny, and you know that they are working very hard to PLACE these dogs into care. They have very intricate methods and procedures of the actual rescue, getting the dog to the first safe place, fostering and then finding a permanent home. That type of rescue makes sense to me. The volunteers are all hard-working, dedicated people, and the blogs that I am reading, they are dedicated to a particular breed that they are fond of. It works good. I don't believe you could involve yourself in every breed because I don't believe you could be as effective if you spread yourself out so much. They all cheer and applaud when they place one of their rescues in a good home. They find homes for senior dogs, blind dogs and health-compromised dogs. There are people out there who will make a good home for them. It seems that Saints is collecting animals. Would it not be more humane to thin the herd, by saying no to the onslaught of new animals? I think it would be better for the quality of life of all the animals there. Then there was the horse episode, where there was a very good offer from a lady who wanted to take 2 horses. After much fuss and agonizing from the founder, the lady withdrew the offer. I was flabbergasted. It should have been a happy time for everyone involved, and instead it was such a huge let-down. Horses need room. They thrive with space and care. Oh, and also, as a horse owner, horses do bond with humans. I couldn't believe it when I read that assinine comment. Of course they are happiest in their herd, but they absolutely bond with a caring human. I have no doubt that the horses in your care at Saints, bonded with you. Why wouldn't they? Take care, Colleen.
It took me 4 months of working/living at saints to realize what was going on. You're spot on when you say " It seems that Saints is collecting animals.". The "founder" told me months in, that she finally had her hobby farm/little farm ( can't remember the correct analogy she used ) she had dreamed of.
They don't do any serious searching for adoptive homes, you're correct. The founder explains it that it is hard to find a senior dog with health issues a home. I call bullshit on that, as you say, other rescues do it all over the world. But then, you can just hear her rebuttal, "but they won't get the care that they do here". Bullshit.
She has practiced answers for everything.
I also agree when you say "say no to the onslaught of new animals". But then, her practiced answer is "but they wouldn't be alive if it weren't for me". ( she's ill )She ends up quilting her volunteers and staff into feeling all "warm and fuzzy" as she puts it.
How kind is it to move 3 senior FELV cats from a large spacious room with access to an outdoor run, into a dinky room with new cats and also rabbits?? How kind is it to continually move and shuffle animals around from room to room to shop to room??
The horses fiasco...I know, what a rip for those horses. :(( An opportunity for more space, more one on one attention, but nope.
90% of the dogs and cats etal there, young and old, are adoptable, but will live out their lives being shuffled from room to room to barn to stable etc. That's NOT rescue NOR sanctuary, that is an overpacked, overstuffed storage. That's hoarding to a certain degree...and most certainly hoarding when you do not have a system in place to adopt them out!!
"Oh, and also, as a horse owner, horses do bond with humans. I couldn't believe it when I read that assinine comment."
Yes, that comment she made on her blog was just out of this world.
"I don't believe you could involve yourself in every breed because I don't believe you could be as effective if you spread yourself out so much. "
Hah! But then she wouldn't be able to dole out advice and knowledge about an individual breed of dog! ( because a dog MIGHT have that breed mixed in, this somehow makes her a breed expert?? )
And thanks for your comment. I adored the horses, and I did have a wonderful bond with them. Especially Lahanie, that horse made my heart smile. I would love one day to work around them again!
Hi Colleen, thanks for responding. I wrote a lengthy message last night, but it seems to have disappeared :) I'm not so savvy with this messaging thing. Just wanted to comment on the horses again. I own a horse, or actually co-own with my son. I am the "treat" lady. Yes, I have resorted to bribing our horse to get some of the undivided attention and love that she lavishes on my son (who does not give treats). He works with her more than I do. I just kind of groom her and pet her and give her lots of treats. Anyway, my son is the clear favorite. She will run up from the pasture as soon as she spots him. I can be standing near him (with treats), and she will go right to him. So, I would say that shows a clear preference for someone, and it's not me. Because they are prey animals, it takes a long time for them to develop that trust and confidence. If you are lucky enough to have that, it is truly a remarkable gift. You feel it because you know it wasn't won easy.
I love your stories about your dogs. They sound so adorable with lots of personality. I hope that one day you do work with horses again, because it sounds like you have a natural gift/ability with them.
Happy Trails, Colleen.
Giving cut up pieces of apples and bananas was my way of showing the horses I was a positive, not a negative. Exactly the way you would treat a dog you were trying to befriend.
My family had horses when we were kids, and I had worked around them as an adult at different friends homes and proudly lasted a whole season at the race track. ( proud I lasted because that job was heart breaking )So I was overjoyed to work with all the barn guys at saints.
The other horses when I started were mostly okay with people, but Lahanie put on such a show ( stamping, throwing his head around with ears pinned etc ) that staff and volunteers quickly put all that down to just being a *mean* horse and stayed away from him as much as possible. But I saw such quiet and gentle moments with him between the other horses I knew it was possible to prove to him I was okay. And I slowly built his trust with me.
It wasn't long ( maybe a couple months )before I just stopped sharing any positive encounters I had, because Carol would just rip them apart. Take any positive and she made it into a negative. It was as if she didn't want Lahanie to be okay with me.
Sounds odd to think that, I know, but it became very evident when she angrily said that the only reason the horses, and especially him came near me was because I had pockets of treats. She became even more angry when I told her I hadn't carried treats for a few months. It was if Lahanie didn't like her, she didn't want him liking anyone.
There was a wonderful lady that used to come once a week to groom them and I was always grooming with her when she came out. We had some great talks, she knew her stuff around horses. Once, when she, Carol and I were sitting talking about the horses, the lady told Carol that she thought I was doing a great job with them, especially Lahanie, who never once tried to flee when I walked up to him with a halter and lead, and always stood quietly and calmly while I groomed him and walked to wards me in the fields, not away. Carol once again scoffed and mentioned the treats...what could I do but deny it. I know the lady knew what I said was true because she knew the previous behavior and saw me with the horses. I discussed it with the lady afterwards and she basically said that since she knew Carol for years, she was surprised at her reaction.
I wouldn't say I had a "gift" or "ability", maybe just a true and genuine respect and love for the species...And they recognized that.
And Happy Trails to you as well! Have a fantastic day!
I remember seeing Colleen with those horses in the field- always calm and happy out there. I was blown away when she left saints!
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