My own dog specifically.
When our companion animals health fails them, and us, we as their care-takers need to make the most heart wrenching decision. Should they be allowed to pass on their own, or should we mere humans intercede and assist them.
With Ruger, that decision was stolen.
With Jack, I waffled back and forth. I had booked one euth, and canceled the morning of. He came to me after his breakfast of poached eggs with his soccer ball in his mouth, put it down, and then rolled it towards me. How could I snuff out his life, when he so clearly was not ready to leave? I couldn't.
I have spent hour after hour after hour on this computer reading people and their pets experience with it. I spoke with Jack's 2 Vets. I read ALOT of posts from a very wise woman, Carol, who is director of a senior animal sanctuary here in Mission B.C. called S.A.I.N.T.S., and last night I spoke to my "soul sister" Jo.
It's not that I needed help making the decision of precisely when to assist Jack with this last transition, My brain needed the reassurance of people I trust, that what I was about to do was correct. Does that make any sense?
I knew this past Monday that it was a matter of days. My heart knew, my soul knew....and I firmly believe that Jack passed along to me that he knew. And I feel completely at peace with the decision. Because it was a joint decision between the two of us.
The decision was based on the fact that this bastard cancer Jack has, hemangiosarcoma, is a death sentence. ( I posted previously about my thoughts on chemo ) The last few days of Jack's life would have been possible nosebleeds, ( from internal hemmoraging ), passing out and coming to, only to eventually pass out again and again....till he didn't come to again. And that not coming to part, that dying part, would feel to Jack like he was being smothered. And weight loss.....my boy has already lost 16 pounds in 36 days.
I don't want him suffering nosebleeds, passing out, substantial weight loss, and feeling like he is being smothered to death if I can help it. And I can.
Jack's a very stoic being, and I want him to keep his dignity. It's bad enough he pisses himself because of the drugs. I wept like a baby the first time he realized that he had done that; he looked at the puddle, looked at me, and turned his head away. No amount of my soothing him and telling him "I don't care baby,no problem baby", took away his utter embarrassment.
I made the dreaded call to his Vet this morning.
Today's time with my boy will be spent on a nice walk to his favourite spot, home to whatever he wants to eat, then I'm going to set up my camera on a self timer and take a whack of photos of him and I together.
I'm going to miss my best friend, but I won't dwell on that today. I'll have the rest of my life to do that.
Go hug your companion animal, tell them you love them.
**thinking of jack**
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